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Brandy Butzbach will consistently bethink aftermost Halloween as the day that afflicted her activity forever.

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Butzbach, 37, says she spent the morning talking and spending time with her husband, Ben Butzbach, but became anxious back she hadn’t heard from him for hours afterwards she larboard for work. It was abnormal behavior for Ben, who Brandy says acclimated his corpuscle buzz “all the time.”

So, she absitively to go home to analysis on him, abrogation assignment from a bounded Verizon alarm center. She says that back she collection into her Murfreesboro neighborhood, she had a activity that article was wrong.

“For some acumen I aloof got afflicted with emotion. I aloof started crying. Somehow, I subconsciously knew that article absolutely bad was wrong,” she tells PEOPLE. Brandy says she absolved into her and Ben’s bedchamber and begin him dead.

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“As anon as I opened the aperture to the bedchamber I knew. He was a side-sleeper, but he was angry over on his abdomen with bisected his anatomy off the bed. As anon as I saw him I knew. I went up and affected his toe and his toe was cold. I anon absolved out and alleged 911. But he was already gone.”

Jessica Rasmussen/Paper Flower Photo

Ben, a advance firefighter and ancestor to a 10-year-old son, died of a affection attack. He was 33.

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Brandy aboriginal aggregate her adventure with Adulation What Matters, autograph that authorities accept Ben suffered the affection advance anon afterwards she larboard for assignment that morning. She wrote that although Ben had a ancestors history of affection issues, he went to a cardiologist alert a year and appeared to be fine.

“Everything in my apple aloof crashed. I had an affecting breakdown,” she tells PEOPLE. “From the time the ambulance came, it’s like a becloud to me. I don’t bethink aggregate that happened. I was accepting an affecting breakdown.”

Jessica Rasmussen/Paper Flower Photo

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In the weeks afterward Ben’s death, Brandy says she knew she capital to account her backward bedmate in a appropriate way. So, a above photographer, Brandy absitively to affectation in her bells dress for a alternation of photos that featured pictures of Ben and his admired hockey jerseys.

However, the affliction of the accident was too abundant and Brandy says she wasn’t emotionally accessible to booty the photos — until about a year later.

“I capital to do this to account him and bethink him. For me it would be a acceptable befalling to explain what happened. It wasn’t until August [2018] … that my best acquaintance assertive me. I acquainted like I would affliction it if I didn’t do it.”

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Jessica Rasmussen/Paper Flower Photo

So, on Sept. 18, Brandy teamed up with Jessica Rasmussen (of Paper Flower Photo), absolute her bells dress gray, and brought her eyes to life. She aggregate the photos online on Sept. 25 — what would accept been her and Ben’s third bells anniversary.

“I was an affecting wreck. I was arrant and I couldn’t speak,” Brandy says of the day she took the photos.”But I acquainted a faculty of peace, a faculty of calmness. I was in such a acceptable amplitude back I took the photos. As anon as we were done shooting, I aloof started bawling.”

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The tears connected back Brandy saw the accomplished photos the aing day. She aggregate them on Facebook in a affective post, writing, “This was not aloof about accident and sorrow. It is about love. It is about anniversary my husband, the man I planned on spending my activity with.”

Ben (left) and Brandy Butzbach

Jessica Rasmussen/Paper Flower Photo

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Now, although the photos accept accustomed her a faculty of peace, Brandy says she’ll consistently absence Ben and the way he fabricated her laugh.

“He was so funny. In annihilation he would do, it would get a acknowledgment out of somebody,” she says. “It would be to accomplish them beam or accomplish them smile. He would apperceive if I was accepting a bad day afore I did. If he knew I was accepting a not-so-great day, he would get up and accomplish me smiley-face pancakes.”

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